Appreciating Your Husband for Who He is

A few years ago, my husband found a killer deal for a nice bed frame off Craigslist that he wanted to get for us. We’d been married 9.5 years and had never experienced the thrills of a king-sized bed. The problem was that it was nap time for our kids and we had to drive his chevy pick up truck in order to haul the frame and mattresses and comforter and so on. Not to mention the air conditioner on his truck was out, and the trip was not exactly a hop, skip, and a jump.

“I don’t know about this trip,” I told Jeremiah who thrives on spontaneity. “We’ve got to haul a lot of stuff and our four needy kids.”

“It will be fine,” he responded. “They can sleep on the way.”

It will be fine. Those four famous last words.

I started to whine about what could go wrong and how miserable the trip would probably be. But I decided to do it anyway. We had a flexible schedule that day.

Well the 2.5 hour trip to Denver turned into 3 hours with potty breaks, gas, and hungry bellies. We ran into bumper to bumper traffic, got cussed out by a crazy driver, and the kids were unhappy the entire time. We had to make too many stops that I didn’t care for and by the end of the day I was spent, vowing I would never do that again. It tested my patience and I was not a happy wife or momma. At all.

On our way home, Jeremiah agreed that I should have stayed home with the kids. “But I always like doing things together as a family,” he said.

I rolled my eyes and told him how some things are just not worth it. But after he assembled the bed together and we plopped our exhausted bodies onto our new bed and mattress, I was thankful we labored for it all. And I always appreciate how he loves being with all of us.

Admiring, Affirming, Appreciating

I’m guessing you’ve had an experience like mine where your husband’s idea seemed crazy and you sensed that strain and stress might be coming your way. But you followed his lead because you knew that’s what he desired.

The feelings and emotions are often different in our dating days. We often don’t second guess. We can’t imagine not going along with our lover’s plans or that things might not be “easy.” But in marriage, we eventually see how hard it can be to follow our man. To let alone love him in the way he understands.

When we talk about “loving” our husband what we really mean is how well are we admiring, affirming, and appreciating him? How well are we coming alongside him as his help-meet? That is what love looks to a man. In the wonderful book Creative Counterpart, author Linda Dillow says,

Learning to accept your husband’s feelings, tastes, and attitudes can go a long way… Does it matter whether acorn squash is good for him if he doesn’t like it? Accept his tastes. He doesn’t need a dietician or a substitute mother. Maybe he gets a kick out of football, and you feel the sport is stupid. Voice that opinion once or twice, and what will you communicate? That you feel you married a stupid man. How willing do you think he’ll be to express his likes and dislikes if he is called stupid when he does?

I can relate to Dillow’s football and food comment. I definitely have my opinions and I don’t always hold my tongue or communicate in the nicest manner, but over time in our marriage, I have been challenged to begin dwelling on the characteristics that I love about my husband: his intelligence, skillfulness, leadership ability, sexual capacity, courage, financial expertise, protection, prudence, and more. When I draw on what I appreciate the most about him, it helps me admire and respect him. And then eventually it turns into praise and affirmation which is what he craves to hear.

Knowing Your Man

To love your husband well you also need to know him. What makes him tick? What does he hate? What does he love? You might consider these questions.

  • What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to your husband?
  • What has been the hardest experience of his life?
  • What are his secret ambitions, his goals for life?
  • What are his deep fears?
  • What about you does he appreciate the most?
  • What traits of you would he like to see changed?
  • What man or men does he most admire?

(Creative Counterpart, page. 109)

You might write the answers down on paper and ask your husband if you were on target. No worries if you don’t get the answers right! It is never too late to learn something you didn’t know before. You might have him answer these questions about you. Jeremiah and I did this together several years ago and it was fun to exchange answers and see who got the most right.

Complete – Don’t Compare

The man God gave you is different than the man God gave me. Your husband is uniquely gifted in his role just as you are uniquely qualified to complete and compliment who he is. There is nothing more destructive than comparing our man to other men. Thoughts like, I wish he were more like ________ . Why doesn’t my husband do _________?  No perfect husband exists. Each has his own faults and limitations. Each has his own talent and unique abilities.

Focus your heart and mind on being grateful for the husband God has given you. Start to appreciate the qualities and interests that you don’t understand in him or can’t relate to. When you’re interested in what he is passionate about, it communicates that you care for him. When you admire and appreciate him through your attitude and actions, it communicates, “I love you. I respect you.”

I still fail at times to be the wife I know I should be. I can be pretty spicy and strong-willed. It is definitely a falling forward process of sanctification and dying to self. But I am growing, learning, and I know one thing is sure: I want my husband to know that I am for him.

————————————————

This article first appeared on FortheFamily.org as “Loving the Man God Gave You”

Samantha Krieger is a pastor’s wife and mama to 4. She is the author of the new devotional for moms: Quiet Time: A 30-day Devotional Retreat for Moms in the Trenches.

 

 

Subscribe to SamanthaKrieger.com & receive weekly encouragement:

Delivered by FeedBurner

3 Ways to Waste Your Time Wisely in 2017


My friend and neighbor Jill invited me over for coffee a few days ago and we got on the topic of time and how it goes by so quickly.

“How is it already 2017?” she asked. “You’ve been here two years in June.”

She’s always good at remembering dates. I nodded my head and agreed that our years spent in our new town have flown by so fast. I shared how the year I graduated high school (2000), everyone was talking about 2020 and the end of the world. We aren’t too far from that now!

It seems like as soon as Christmas arrives, stores are stocking their shelves with Valentine goodies before we even have time to take down our lights and trees. The older I get, the more I realize just how fragile time is. There is only so much time in the day and scripture tells us that our days are numbered. We don’t get to choose when God calls us home and we breathe our final breaths on this earth. One thing that is certainly sobering is that time moves on whether we like it or not.

So, how can we begin 2017 by making the most of our delicate days?

1.) Waste your time wisely by being a “Hands Free Mama.”

Currently, there’s no greater time waster for me than my phone. Ugh. I love it and I hate it. Being a creative communicator, I love connecting with friends and sharing words on social media. I love knowing what others are doing and I love photography so I could spend all day on Instagram. But it’s also something I get easily addicted to. I’m cracking down on the minutes I spend on my phone doing those things so that I can say “yes” to better things (like writing an article or blog post or… maybe even cleaning my bathroom!).

The truth is that it’s up to us what we choose to do with our time. There are always areas that we can better fill with our time. How can you be more productive online and offline? What ways can you practice moderation or even cutting something completely off that’s hindering you from moving forward? 

So, then, be careful how you live. Do not be unwise but wise, making the best use of your time because the times are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. – Ephesians 5:15-17

2.) Waste your time wisely by getting in the Word.  

Give God your whole year by getting to know him daily in his word. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, control, people pleasing, and more, the solution is Jesus. Let him calm your soul. Let him guide you through his word that sharpens, convicts, comforts, and encourages you right where you are in life.

When you’re tempted to go to Facebook first thing in the morning, open up the Bible app, First 5, your Bible or devotional. There are so many resources and apps out there to encourage you. Start your morning with Jesus and entrust your day to him. 9 times of out 10, you’ll enter your day with more peace and trust that he’s got it taken care of. Your ability to walk in the spirit, instead of the flesh becomes much easier.

How does God’s word encourage you where you’re at in life right now? What ways do you best connect with God?

Now listen, you who say, Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town, stay there a year, conduct business, and make money. You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. – James 4:13-14

3.) Waste your time wisely by serving others. 

I love what prince of preachers Charles Spurgeon once said, “Serve God by doing common actions in a heavenly spirit, and then, if your daily calling only leaves you cracks and crevices of time, fill them up with holy service.”

If I spend too much time on myself, I get depressed, inwardly focused, and I isolate. When I go beyond my four corners to reach out to someone, I’m refueled and reminded that life is not all about me. God teaches me new things.

I recently made a visit to one of the elderly widows in our church and we had the best time talking together about her memories of the past. When I looked at the clock, it had already been an hour. It felt like 10 minutes. It was a true joy.

When you use your time for the good of other people, it brings glory to God and gives hope to those in need. Ironically, you find your purpose and calling in it, too.

In what ways can you serve others around you? Do you know of one person who needs a word of encouragement or helping hand?

  Behave wisely toward outsiders, making the best use of your time.

– Colossians 4:5

Wasting our time wisely requires a daily effort, just like choosing to lift those weights or press play on that workout video when you don’t feel like it. But in the end, there’s reward from the work and fruit is produced as you grow stronger and more disciplined. God is honored as you seek to truly treasure the time he has given you.

Blessings,

Samantha

Samantha Krieger is a wife, mother, and writer in rural Colorado. She is the author of the new devotional for moms: Quiet Time: A 30-day Devotional Retreat for Moms in the Trenches. 

Switch to mobile version