The Social Media Comparison Struggle

Comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy

Last week I met with my friend Katie for evening coffee at our local Starbucks. We’ve known each other for almost seven years. She’s one of the most gifted people I know. She started her own Etsy shop that’s grown to be very successful, her entire home looks like a Pinterest explosion, she takes breathtaking photos, she’s a talented blogger, gifted thrifter, DIY crafter, creates amazing design work, and has two strikingly adorable kids and a hard working husband.

Basically anything Katie puts her heart to, she gets it done very well. What I love most about her is her love for Jesus and ministry. I also love that she makes me gut laugh.

While she sipped on her hot chocolate and I nursed my tea latte, we got on the topic of comparing ourselves to our friends on Facebook and Instagram.

“Yeah, I look at all the activities my friends are doing with their kids each day and then I think about what I’m not doing and feel like being at home is not enough,” she said.

I didn’t know she struggled with comparisons too. I mentioned how I’ve been working on a writing project that has kept me more distant from social media and how the break has been nice. I’ve felt more content.

“But, you know, I’ve compared myself to you too,” I told Katie. “I look at my house and wish I was as talented as you to decorate mine like yours… I’m nowhere near as gifted as you are!”

We laughed and talked about how there are two sides to every story and agreed how hard it is not to compare yourself to your friends. Facebook news feeds and Instagram photos are usually filled with the highlights of life – rarely the struggle. And these are your friends, not just random people. These are friends you love and care for.

In news feeds you don’t typically read, My amazing husband surprised me with a bouquet of flowers and a night at a hotel and then we got into a knock-down, drag-out fight the next week. 

You don’t see videos of your friends’ kids being defiant, disobedient, and calling names. You don’t see deep-seeded thoughts about loneliness or depression. You don’t see sweat pants, unbrushed hair, and no make-up. You don’t see tears, anger, and exhaustion. You don’t see spiritual warfare or a crisis of faith. Or real battles with this or that struggle. There are just some issues that need to be kept private but that’s another blog post.

We have to be really careful about what we assume. Numerous times, I’ve been tempted to think a friend’s life is better or perfect, free of struggles. Many times I’ve grown discontent with my own life or felt insecure. This can all happen in person too so it’s more a matter of the heart:

Am I satisfied with all the blessings God has given me and where He has me? Am I truly thankful? Can I celebrate others rather than compare? Am I running to God to meet all my needs?

We’re still going to use social media outlets but since they aren’t the full picture of reality, I think we can have a better perspective on the affect it it has on our relationships. Here are 5 practices I’ve found helpful:

1.) Invite others into your story- the beautiful and broken. Most of us value connecting with friends in an honest way. Don’t be afraid to post photos of your mountain of laundry, trials, ways you’ve failed or lessons learned. Your friends will relate and most people like to know they aren’t the only ones who struggle.

2.) Praise the gifts and talents you see in your friends. We’re called to encourage and edify one another. If you see a gift active and alive in your friend, praise it and celebrate it. Help her draw out her gifts so she can serve others better and help make a difference in this world. She may never know she has the gift until you recognize it. A little praise can go a long way.

3.) Invest in relationships right where you are. Be intentional about getting together with the friends you have close by in real life. Chances are you’ll see the full story and will be less likely to compare so much. You’ll realize that no one has it all together and you’ll be thankful for the strengths you do have. You may have the opportunity to encourage a hurting friend and be encouraged yourself.

4.) If it’s a stumbling block, cut it off. It’s great to keep up with friends online, but as mentioned above, if you notice heart or sin issues arising like covetousness, ungratefulness, unhealthy comparisons, extreme lows, or starting to get too attached or addicted, cutting it off and taking a break will serve you well and help set you free from the struggle.

5.) Confess your comparison struggles. It’s hard to be honest but it was good to tell Katie I had been comparing myself to her and other friends. She was the first to be open and that encouraged me to be more vulnerable. We also learned that we’re not alone. When we confess we acknowledge it’s not right to be consumed with comparisons because it steals the abundant life that God desires for us to have.

Our relationship with Christ and each other is much more valuable than being caught up in comparison struggles so it’s definitely worth fighting against them in order to maintain love, joy, and oneness in our relationships.

To Twitter, or Not to Twitter?

That is my question for today friends.

I know, I know. I’m probably the last person that’s not joined Twitter. Or maybe not. (I still know quite a few people who haven’t!)

But, for the past few months, I’ve been thinking about taking the plunge to share tweets about my blog posts, where I’ve written new articles, what’s going on at Rightnow and Bluefish, inspirational thoughts, God thoughts, and other fun, completely random stuff.

I think I’d like joining Twitter for a lot of reasons regarding some of my hopes and dreams as a writer and more importantly to connect with you (my readers).

BUT, I fear the whole addiction thing and really whether it’s necessary for me personally or not. A while back, I told the facebook world that I’d never get on the Twitter bandwagon. (I have this issue with not wanting to do things because everyone else is). Besides, who needs facebook and Twitter?

The reality though might be that I have to get over my hesitations because I know it’s an awesome, powerful tool to connect lots of people and information. I also really enjoy seeing the tweets on some of your blogs.

I know… you still can’t believe I’m not on it yet.

What about you?

Are you on Twitter? What do you like about it?

I can’t wait to hear.


Why I need to simplify my life

simplifyThis past week I spent time in VA Beach visiting my sister and nephew. I came away from my trip with a lot of unexpected thoughts, refreshment, and a confession that  flying with a one-year-old is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Probably because I’m often impatient and struggle with people pleasing at times. Therefore I was constantly giving John toys or feeding him gold fish and pretzels to keep him from screaming the passengers’ ears off. I can still feel the frustration.

Anyhow, the one unexpected thought I came home with was to simplify.

Simplify in the sense of what I allow into my life. And it all started with a conversation my sister, mom, and I had about email and facebook. I think lately, a lot of my personal time has been dedicated to answering email and facebook comments. I don’t think I’d ever go as far as to say it’s an addiction, but maybe something I do a lot? I don’t know.

I know email and facebook are not bad things. The majority of us use them. But for me, too much of a good thing is a bad thing and I need to chill out for a bit. The world doesn’t need me. It will still go on. I don’t have to get back to people the moment they ask for something. It’s really okay. We’re all friends anyway.

So the last several days, I’ve checked my blog, email, or facebook about once or twice a day for a few minutes. It’s been so freeing to be detached. I’m excited to use the extra time to be intentional about playing with my son, spending time with my husband, hanging out with friends, enjoying God’s beauty, and soaking up what life is all about- real-life relationships.

My desire is that in the next few months I will accomplish things I never thought possible by living a more simple life when it comes to online habits. So please… check up on me and ask how I’m doing.

Are there any areas in your life where you’re learning to simplify, or at least would like to?

Wasteful Time Online

www.samanthakrieger.com

Last weekend, we had our CARES core team over for a brunch. Jeremiah and I get the privilege of serving alongside friends who share in the same vision we have to bring the love and hope of Christ to our community. Our core team helps us set up for our resident events. They clean, cook, and engage in meaningful conversations with our residents. They truly make our ministry what it is.

Joe faithfully serves alongside us. He’s a bachelor, has a cushiony job, a well-decorated apartment, and comes from a good family. Around the table, we got on a conversation about the internet in our culture today- how we live and breathe technology.

Joe chimed in unexpectedly, “I just did away with internet completely.”

We all gave him the look.

“I just didn’t want the temptation to even be in my presence.”

I knew exactly what he meant. Pornography. It’s always there. Just one click of a button. Well, Joe proceeded on and said that he didn’t want that kind of temptation being a single guy and living alone, but also the temptation of wasteful time. He also said he’s the kind of guy that can’t get on Facebook for just a few minutes. He’ll be on there for hours and hours and never know it. He said because he’s done away with the internet, he has so much more time. He can still check what he needs to online at times, but when he’s at home, it’s not a choice.

I know I have the tendency to be addicted to checking email, facebook messages, or whatever else, but lately I’ve been overwhelmed by it. I can’t get to everyone’s requests and I can’t answer everyone’s questions. Having a newborn son, however, often makes it easier not to. But I decided a few days ago to challenge myself with a goal I think is attainable: After the days I’m at work, when I’m at home, I’m not going to spend any more than one hour online. The same goes with the days I’m home with John. The rest of my time will be spent offline enjoying the relationships God has given me. We’ll see how it all goes.

After I decided what I would do, the next day  I was on Anne Jackson’s blog, who is a renowned blogger who I’ve been in communication with some at work. And she is actually doing a technology fast. She isn’t blogging until Easter and she’s turned off her comments (for various reasons). After seeing her commitment, I didn’t think I was so crazy after all!

So, I want to challenge you. What is a goal you think you could have when it comes to your technology habits? What things could you replace with online time?

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