Are you emotionally available?


One of the greatest things I’m learning as a mom are the many things that try to compete with the time and attention I give to my almost 15 month old son.

This past Wednesday when we were at lunch at Panera, I held John in my arms while we ordered soup, salad, mac & cheese, and chocolate milk. The cashier ladies made faces at him and he smiled back so excited. I loved seeing his new teeth come through and how his light brown hair was getting a little longer. At the table, my mom and I talked about life while we tried to feed John the macaroni he didn’t want. He was always on my mind and he was right there with us, just speaking his own language.

When we came back for his nap, even though I had a little work to do from home, I kept thinking how grateful I was to be his Mommy. Even though he was a little grouchy when he woke up, I hugged him and rocked him whispering in his ear, “I was once a grouchy little girl too.” And it came to my realization that I wanted him to know that I was not only physically there for him, but I was there emotionally too. And that I would be as long as I was his mother.

Many of us play a lot of roles as Mommy, Dad, husband, wife, aunt, uncle, friend, sister, brother, etc. And I think it’s safe to say that sometimes we’re just not always there with the people we love. I’m not. But, I’ve been really challenged to make sure that I’m finding “quiet” in my mind so that I can be all there. For me, that means first caring for my soul spiritually. Then…

Nourishing my marriage.
Taking care of self.
Pursuing a simpler life.

I’m definitely not perfect at this and never will be, but I really want to strive for it. When John is old enough to understand, it will be so critical for those emotional needs of his to have been met and it’s amazing how it all starts with me.

Dear John- 10/27/2009

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Your first haircut on your 1st birthday

Dear John,

On Friday you turned one! The sun was shining and the fall air was crisp just like on the Thursday morning you were born.

Your first breath of life changed your Daddy and I forever.  Your eyes were wide awake when you arrived and you even grabbed Daddy’s finger while the nurses were getting you ready for me to nurse you for the first time.

I couldn’t stop staring at you and giving you gentle kisses as you were tightly swaddled in your blanket.

You grew so fast during those first few weeks and months. Eventually you started to smile, laugh, and coo. Then you graduated from baby food and crawling to real food and walking, even before your one year old birthday. You are truly amazing.

I have taken you all kinds of places around Dallas and we’ve met all kinds of people. And one thing remains the same: People don’t leave unchanged when you’re around. I’ve seen smiles remain on their faces after we’ve walked away. We’ve actually stayed at the grocery store longer because of the old ladies who can’t stop getting enough of you.

God has given you quite the personality and you pick up on how to do things so fast! Lately, you like getting into Daddy and Mommy’s books, phones, and gadgets more than your brand new toys. You are saying “mama” the majority of the time then “dada”, “baby” and “oh?” We love your sweet words.

God has given you one year to live and we pray that many more are to come because this world needs you.

You’ll come to learn one day that your Daddy and Mommy aren’t perfect all the time, but we do serve a God who is perfect and will never let you down. We will still do our very best to love you with all that we have… because you are a gift from God and that is a serious thing.

I am proud that you are my son.

I love you,

Mommy

10/27/2009

A Day at the Park

On the days I’m at work, Jeremiah and John get to have “Daddy day-care” together. When daddy’s present, John gets thrown high up in the air, gut laughs after daddy blows on his belly and tickles his armpits and feet over and over again, and loves looking up at the birdies and breathing in the air on their walks together.

Yesterday, they went to one of our favorite parks a few blocks down from our apartment. And here is their beautiful creation. John is mastering his poses.

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