A few weeks ago I headed out to run an errand at the end of the day. I was tired, feeling discouraged, and had anxiety about God’s plan for our future. Jeremiah is in a career change right now and we’re in a season of waiting. You can read more of the detailed story over on his blog.
Well as I was driving, I felt this great tension between trusting God and trusting in myself for answers. I questioned God:
Are your promises real, God? That you will never leave me or forsake me?
Are you going to take care of us?
Do you really love giving good gifts to your children?
Deep down, I wanted to know if God was truly involved in what we were going through. I had prayed a few days ago that He would show himself in a real way. I even prayed for some “signs” to know he was there. And let me to tell you I’m often hesitant to do so because I know that my faith shouldn’t be placed in the “sign” or the miracle alone but in God himself.
But I also know that God gives us signs to encourage us along the way and that if we ask for anything, in his name, according to His will, He will do it.
It wasn’t raining and hadn’t rained all day. As I turned right to get on the ramp, out of nowhere I looked up at the sky and saw half of a rainbow. It wasn’t even half really, more like a quarter of a rainbow. The sun shined brightly and some shades of grey peeked through the clouds. I kept gazing at the rainbow while trying to keep my eyes on the road.
And it was as if God was saying directly to me,
“This is for you. See, I’m here. I’m really here.”
My eyes filled with water and I smiled. I took another glance to savor it before turning. After I got off the ramp it was no longer in my sight. Instead it was like a seal upon my heart.
I’m so weak, God. My faith is small. But You are big and you are actively involved in creation and in my life. Thank you for your presence.
It has been a month since this job transition for Jeremiah. He has been working like crazy at applications, networking, and interviewing for temporary nursing and full-time ministry positions. As of now, we haven’t sensed God’s leading in one particular position yet but we are trusting.
On the days where I’ve been panicky and tried to take things into my own hands, God continues to remind me that He is here and I often think about the rainbow in the sky.